My niece was cast as one of the grown daughters in a reboot of the sitcom Step By Step. I was not going to hear any criticism of her acting ability from anyone!
A coworker and I were given a three story retail space at the end of a strip mall to turn into any business we wanted as long as we were able to remove the “sign” that was like half of a boat crashing through the building’s facade.
I decided I was going to spend my lunch hour driving a giant suv through parking garages. I thought it would be a good way to practice my driving and parking and backing up skills. I couldn’t see anything behind me, but that didn’t stop me. I also thought that it was a good idea to drive 60 miles an hour in the parking garage.
I was walking down a main street in “Portland” and my feet hurt in my new shoes. I looked across the street and saw a shoe store that had a giant pile of random old shoes in the window display. To my right, there was a shop with a few shoes on shelves along wood paneled walls.
I walked into the second shop and met an old lady who sort of looked like one of the cashiers at my store. I told her my problem, and she had me sit down on a shoe shine chair.
She started measuring my bare feet every which way with all sorts of weird instruments and explained that she was not going to sell me new shoes, she was going to have custom insoles made to my exact foot specifications. I looked down at my feet and noticed that my big toes were on the outside and my pinky toes were where my big toes were supposed to be.
It was 4:30 pm and it was getting dark. This was taking such a long time and I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to find my way back to my hotel.
Finally, she brought out my custom made insoles- they were made of glass! but they were comfortable. I woke up before I had to pay!
I needed to find a toilet. I finally found one that seemed private but it was occupied. I waited a moment and Chevy Chase scurried out, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I waited a second, wondering if I should try to find a different bathroom or risk going into whatever cloud Chevy Chase had left in there.
Well, I really had to go, so I held my breath and walked in. What did I see? Blood. Everywhere. The walls, the ceiling, the floor, the toilet both inside and out. I walked back out and talked to a receptionist- I guess I was in an office building- “I think someone needs to check on Chevy Chase,” I said.
And the receptionist and a few of the people who were loafing around the area all said, “nah, that’s okay” in unison.
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