Sometimes it’s better to keep news stories on separate pages. Well, I hope these are separate news stories…

This picture cracks me up. I imagine these two young ladies brainstormed for several hours trying to get as precise as possible.

I’d like to see what they’d put on their shirts if they were going to go to The Price is Right.

“Winning something

would be

pretty nice”

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Rock-Candy

http://ottawa.en.craigslist.ca/mis/1140573885.html

Barrister Cheng Wang

show details 9:55 AM (25 minutes ago)

ATTENTION:

I am Cheng Wang, a legal practitioner. A deceased client of mine, that shares the same last name as yours, died as a result of a heart-related condition on January 12th 2005. His heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family in the tsunami disaster on the 26th December2004 in Sumatra Indonesia.

I am contacting you to seek your consent to present you as the beneficiary to my late client. He has a deposit of (US$19,000,000).

This will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you against any legal ramification. If this business proposition offends your moral values, do accept my apology.

I can be reached on: [EDIT]

Best regards,

Barrister Cheng Wang.

This communication, links contained herein, is for the sole use of the intended recipient and may contain information that is confidential or legally protected.

I’m happy that my brain still tries to work while I am asleep.

SETTING: some sort of festival in a park.

I see a woman with a horrible perm and feel I need to make a confession.

ME: Hi, I don’t think you know me. But I am having an affair with [whatever the guy's name was].

BAD PERM LADY: Oh, yes. I know exactly who you are. I walked in and caught you together a few days ago, but I didn’t want to disturb you so I left quietly.

ME: Wow! I’m sorry you had to see that. I just wanted to let you know that I’m trying to clean up my act and get my life together. I want to become a good, moral person. So I am going to end it.

BAD PERM LADY: Why don’t we go and talk to him?

ME: Yes, it will be a relief to get all of this out in the open so we can all move on with our lives.

(walking toward a complex of condos)

ME: I just hope this doesn’t ruin your relationship, you are both such good people.

BAD PERM LADY: I’m sure everything is going to work out. Here’s his condo- #66, right?

(she unlocks the door and we walk in. The guy walks out from the kitchen.)

GUY: Brandi! What are you doing bringing my deranged stalker into my house?!

I guess I’ve been sidetracked in this weblog. It’s supposed to be about things that make me happy. But I do enjoy being a guinea pig, so I’ll review the miraculous, European, hair removal invention called the “Smooth Away.”

I had read reviews for this, not very many positive things were said. Words like SANDPAPER and BLISTERING RUGBURN SENSATION were thrown around. But my mom bought this for me, since I bought her the ShamWow!, and so I decided to give it a shot.

First of all, it’s not sandpaper. It’s more like rubber. It’s got a crazy strong new tire smell.

I don’t know what the people were talking about with the whole “ripping off layers of skin” thing. No matter how hard I tried, I could not get the thing to leave my legs red. It did exfoliate just enough to make my skin smooth, but it did nothing to the hair. After several tries, I realized that it does work  on hair that is 1/8th of a millimeter long. If you have some compulsive fear of having hair and feel the need to catch those guys as soon as they start poking out of your skin, this is the product for you. If you go more than three or four hours between your normal hair removal routine, this is sure to disappoint.

ShamWow! update- Mom did dry her bangs with the thing, and it worked that time. The rest of the ShamWow!s have stayed in the box. I think she’s afraid of messing them up or something. hmm

Here’s something that makes me happy- my phone. I don’t have a picture of it on my wall, it’s near enough to me all of the time.

Now, anyone who knows me knows I rarely talk on the phone. Why would I need this?

I can check my email, play games, look up weather conditions so my coworkers know if they need a coat, find out what kind of drinks I can make with the booze that I have, take pictures, and the fancy mirror screen protector let’s me know if I’ve got bats in the cave.

And I can write blog entries from the thing!!

I tried out the ShamWow! but I didn’t do anything dramatic enough to know if it works or not. I should have spilled wine on the carpet or something. I don’t really have enough information to give this thing a star rating or to have an opinion on it either way.

What I do have, though, is a serious question. If it’s so great and it lasts forever, why are there eight in a box?, I asked myself as I watched the commercial. The answer to this is really screwing with my mind. See, you can wash the ShamWow! in the washing machine, but you can’t put it in the dryer. Since it holds in the liquid like nobody’s business, you just have to wait for who knows how long for it to dry out. Perhaps you could use another ShamWow! to dry off the first. And the third to dry off the second… It’s like an endless cycle.

This is why that dude in the commercial seems so nuts and so intent on making sure everyone in the world owns some of these things. He probably started out as a normal guy who was just trying to keep his bachelor pad clean. After a particularly messy Super Bowl party, a mysterious German came by and gave him some of this WowTastic! material.

If you go to microphone dude’s house now, you will see the old bachelor pad transformed into a labyrinth of ShamWow!s, much like those OCD/packrats have newspapers stacked to the celings- forming new walls. 87,000 Shamwow’s and on the far wall in the kitchen is a chart stating which one is wet today.

Anywho, I bought these for my mom because she wanted to see if they’d dry her hair. I guess the results of that experience will be recorded in another entry.