She played MASH when she was a young girl. Planned her future wedding. Decorated her future house (or shack or apartment or mansion). Named her six (or two or three or twelve) future children- The girls were named after things of beauty and the boys had rugged last names for first names. She picked out their favorite sports and favorite colors. She imagined her future life as a loving mother and caring wife, creating meal plans that took all pickiness and food allergies into account. She knew it wasn’t all going to be a breeze. She imagined working as a team with her husband Brad Pitt (or Ben Affleck or Patrick from math class or Mauricio the janitor) to make it through those times when little Carson was acting up in the SUV (or Ferrari or Cadillac or 1987 Toyota pickup truck). But mostly, she imagined the birthday party themes and Mother’s Day gifts.

Never did she imagine that one day she would have to look back in the lunch meat section of the grocery store and yell at her fourth child, “Melody! GET YOUR FACE OFF THAT!”

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